Can i not drive my cunt home
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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