Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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