what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
my liver is dry heaving
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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