what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
