I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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