The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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