I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
