chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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