So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
