What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
