I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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