Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
