singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
