I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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