he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
