I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
