im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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