farters have to be the big spoon...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
