I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
