I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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