I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
