yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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