I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
