I think my fart just growled at me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
