I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
