OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
