The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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