I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
