Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
