I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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