woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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