a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize