Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
