umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize