So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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