After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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