just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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