Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
