In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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