I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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