I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
