Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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