I cockslap morals
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
