i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
