i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
