there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
