I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
