To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
