I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My penis needs a shock collar
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
