My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
