You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
