My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize