do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
