you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
