I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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