Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
