She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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