Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
