Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
