You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
