do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
