I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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