Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
