My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
